Did you miss me?

I miss you.

Retrospect

I remember, that night we were 17 - it seems like so long ago.

I guess it really has been that long.

I remember your dress - it was pink, and you looked beautiful in it.

The dress never really mattered - you would still look beautiful wrapped in a rug, as far as I was concerned.

I remember that night, when I asked you to dance. You were the first girl I'd ever really danced with.

Your hands were cold, and you were hesitant as I took your hand gingerly and led you to the floor. My heart beat like my own private marching band, parading in my chest.

Somehow, though, I knew - there wouldn't be a fairytale ending to this night.

It didn't matter - after all those years I'd finally convinced myself that I might just have the guts to do it.

I feel an exquisite shiver as I gently place my hands on your hips.

I could never dance. Even in the bittersweet recollection I cannot kid myself that it was a graceful affair.

But never in my life did I care less - I was looking into your beautiful eyes, and that was all that mattered.

And how we danced, we danced the night away... just like we've danced this dance all these years.

At some point, it is over. The spell is broken, and the world exists for me once more. We sit down, and it's only a matter of time - till it's all over.

Later that night, we find ourselves alone.

I stuttered to the glass, I held your hand, you felt immune.

I remember looking at myself, the fool, in the mirrored walls of that hotel ballroom.

I close your hand around the ring, that ring that I'd been dying to give you for months.

I kiss you lightly on the forehead, and I tell you, I'll wait.

I did.

And I guess, I will.

Always.

I'll wait.

No.

You're asking me to forget about you. Again.

It's just not something I'm willing to do.

I can't be that guy who looks back on his mediocre life, and thinks that he could have just let the one thing that stood out in his life, the one thing that made his heart beat a mile a minute, made the stars seem to shine brighter in the night sky, slip through his fingers.

I can't, and I won't.

I don't need to search for the one who completes me... because it's been you, all along. You told me that it's not who completes you, but compliments you the best?

I can't believe that... where is the truth in a world full of half-filled hearts? You don't complete a puzzle by forcing the pieces that look the most similiar together. It needs to fit, like we fit... and it hurts all the more now that it seems as if we will never fit...

You are my Carol Vessey, my Elliot Reid, my Maggie Rice... you are every girl that every guy like me has ever yearned for.

I am the goof who spends four seasons of any given sitcom pining over the girl, and takes three steps backwards for every step forwards.

We are the couple who miss each other daily on the stairwell, as you go up, and I drift further toward ground.

You and I, travolti da un insolito destino nell 'azzurro mare d'agosto...

Turn around, bright eyes...

I didn't hear from you this week. That sucks.

I still miss you so much. I haven't had as much spare time to think about you lately, though. That kinda sucks too.

How are you? Tell me what's on your mind.

I'm not in the mood to write a helluva lot tonight. I'm far too tired, between running around taking care of her, and spending about 8 hours on my design assignment (which is due tomorrow morning, how typical, ha ha).

I find it quite ironic how every little thing still makes me think about you. It doesn't help that every song I hear, every word I read seems to be about you. The first person I think of when I watch anything about long lost loves, or true love, or any sort of love... yup, no prizes for guessing that.

Every place I go, I'll think of you... Every song I sing, I sing for you... When I come home...

Much love, as always.

Hey, and hey back.

You know, some movie couple said something like that the other day. I thought of you.

But then again, I always do, don't I?

:P

Do I have to say the words?

Rescue me from the mire
Whisper words of desire
Rescue me - darling rescue me
With your arms open wide
Want you here by my side
Come to me - darling rescue me
When this worlds closing in
There's no need to pretend
Set me free - darling rescue me

I don't wanna let you go
So I'm standing in your way
I never needed anyone like I need you here today

Do I have to say the words?
Do I have to tell the truth?
Do I have to shout it out?
Do I have to say a prayer?
Must I prove to you how good we are together?
Do I have to say the words...

This is bullshit.

I wrote this about a week ago, late one night before I had the net at home.

We almost broke up tonight.

The worst part is I was almost wishing for it to happen.

I guess I'm a better liar than I give myself credit for.

Time for a little back story.

She hates this place. Stuff happened here, last year, that apparently has tainted the whole place for her. She's extremely homesick, and worried about her sick grandparents. She wants to be closer to home to be near them.

She hates this place.

It's bad enough that I no longer find her imperfections endearing or intriguing. It's worse that I've spent days trying to fix everything for her, but to no avail. No matter what happens in the future, you'll never be able to say I wasn't good to her. I am. It comes with the package, like it or not.

I wish now, more than ever, that things were different, with us.

She hates this place.

She wants to go home, move away, anything to get away from it all.

I can't say I wanted to stop her, because that would be a lie. I guess, not that bad considering how many lies I've told tonight alone.

I only want what's best for you, babe, said the liar. Don't make your decision based on me, I don't want you to stay if it hurts you so badly. If you really need to, then that's what you've got to do.

Does the liar truly know if he's lying to anyone but himself?

I all but pushed her out the door with my kindness and good intention. You lying bastard.

I guess it is a lesson in itself - she loves me more than ever, now, it would seem. Maybe a little TOO supportive, eh?

But in all honesty... it's been a really hard week for me. It seems like everything is just going wrong with her, and despite my best efforst to fix things something else always seems to crop up. That kinda sucks. Are they handing out the boyfriend of the year awards yet, cos I'm this close to not caring any more. I swear I never want to hurt her, but if this goes on, I'm smart enough to know that I can't handle this for hours every night and still keep my life on track.

I guess fate has a funny way of making things happen.

She says she'll take a day to think about it before making a decision.

I think, she'll stay.

But if this keeps coming back, there are no guarantees that I will.

I'm already worried enough, my first engineering design assignment has been given, in the first lecture on the first day, no less, and I'm worried for the first time in my life that I won't have what it takes to make the grade. It is a strange feeling - maybe I AM human after all.

I guess it's alright that I admit to you that, occasionally, on dark nights such as this, I worry about some things. After all, you of all people know the best, and the worst, of me. Anything in between, well, I guess you won't be too surprised.

I don't really know where I'm going with this at the moment.

Babe, I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts, and I haven't heard from you. I don't even know if you're even thinking about this anymore, or if you don't look back, I guess the feeling starts to fade away. I'm afraid to contact you, if your life is back to normal again, then I guess I have no right to mess things up for you.

I miss you.

It's still true.

I won't, will you?

How could I forget, when every waking moment it is burnt into my consciousness...

How could I forget, when every time I close my eyes I see you...

How could I forget when every chance I get, I steal a moment to be with the memory of you...

How could I forget, when you are everything I am, and everything I ever will be...

Everything in my life now stands in the shadow of that one beautiful night.

One day, I will find you again.