Right now I'm wondering... do you still listen to your song? Does it still mean the same thing as it did when you first heard it, or do you hear something different now... a bit more bitter, a bit more ironic, just a bit more painful, maybe.

I've done far "harder" stuff in guitar terms, but this is still the piece of music that I'm most proud of. I guess it's just like us - I love it, and yet listening to it rips me to shreds inside at the same time. Those four minutes somehow manage to sum up eight years of ups and downs, highs and lows, hopes and dreams. It's a bit hard to take when that much emotional baggage is packed into a four minute song.

Lately I've felt like nothing I write seems to have any real life left to it. Everything I write is bland, generic. My inspiration has run dry. I don't want to play metal - too angry. I can't play rock - nothing seems to fit, and to even attempt to write you yet another song is far too painful, I cannot venture beyond those walls that I've set for myself, into that place that I draw things such as this from - the endless wellspring of pain, or some might call it inspiration.

It's late at night, and I really don't know what I'm talking about.

All I know is that I miss you.

I miss you.

No matter how much I hate to admit to myself. I told myself I could love someone else. I guess the only person I was really lying to was myself. I don't think I'll be able to keep the lie up forever. I can hide behind this facade for now, but some day I won't be able to, so for now I'll just wait for that day to come. Because I think it's worth waiting for. I always have, and nothing has changed that. You know how determined I am when I want to be.

It's a pity he doesn't apply himself, yes?

Sometimes, I see the comparisons between the two of you in my head. Her eyes are beautiful, but they hold no surprises within their depths. Your eyes... your eyes hypnotize me, deep, dark, every mystery in the universe contained in them. I could truly lose myself in those eyes.

This is what I long for.

You are my mystery, the tide that recedes as I step forward, but dances forward as I turn my back to leave.

I once asked myself whether it was really you that I loved, or was it the idea of you that I'd built up in my head to the point where I couldn't tell the difference. The things that happened with us that night completely erased any doubt in my mind as to that fact. And anyway it doesn't matter. Fact or fiction, it is you that I'm in love with.

You love someone.

You're in love with someone.

An interesting distinction. I do think I love her... but as to whether I'm in love with her is a completely different thing. She means the world to me, and hurting her is not something I would ever do if I could avoid it... but as you once put it, with her I might be content, but not happy. I am not willing to accept that. I'm willing to risk everything not to miss that one opportunity that I saw in that brief glance at happiness.

I've always been interested in pride and honour, and if you think about it, these both come down to the same thing - being willing to sacrifice everything, on a matter of principle. To risk throwing away everything, simply for something you believed in.

You may not believe in us right now, but I believe in us. And when that opportunity comes back to me, I will risk it all not to let another twist of fate screw me over again.