Yeah I guess I did know why you did that. I always thought it could be one of two things. You didn't feel the same, or you weren't ready for that kind of thing then. It is much easier to convince myself that it was that second one, can you blame me? I guess it was just that I figured if I waited around long enough, you'd be ready... little did I know that I was right, but it just wasn't me that you were looking for.
And of course these days I don't really know what to think. In some way I feel so much happier now, and yet the way things are, it's so much more cruel and ironic as well. But oh well, you know me, I'm a sucker for contradictions. :P I'm pretty much a walking contradiction myself. :D
I think I'm taking the weekend off. For once I don't have any immediately vital assessments to handle, and plus I got my electronics test mark yesterday and I totally killed it :P Which was quite a pleasant surprise since I hate electronics. Hate it so much. Like I've told everyone (loudly, and repeatedly), if I liked electronics then I'd be an electrical engineer then wouldn't I? Doh. But it was good, and that's good :P
What about you? You have this whole life that's separate from me now, and I realise I don't know that much about it... partially because I didn't want to know, I guess. It hurted to know. It hurted to think about knowing. I guess it still does, sometimes.
But when I think about what you said about the friendship thing... I don't think that can ever change, I'll always want you in my life. I'll always need you in my life. My problem is that it's hard for me to be with you, and not want to... be with you. But I can't... be without you, either.
But please don't ever doubt that I'll stop loving you, whether it's from right up beside you as I watch the sunrise wash over you as the morning sets in and I run my hands gently through your silky smooth hair... or from the other side of the glass, hurting from a distance... It's just that, if I'm going to be forced to be that guy for the rest of my life, whether it's on the outside where people can see it, or just inside in my heart - I'm not going to let go without a fight.
Talk to me, babe. It's all I live for these days.
1 comment:
hey! Enjoyed ur reprieve from constant courseworks? =)
Well, you asked about my life, and truth be told, it is extremely normal. haha...
Uni is a repetitve cycle we mortal beings slope through every day with no semblance of anything remotely interesting. but truth be told, i very much prefer this monotony compared to the timetable i see in store when i get to seremban in a few months time =p
We have a wonderful two little hours of lecture a day and i think it's absolutely adequate. =)Of course there's the tutorials and clinical sessions but those are not exactly very taxing and bearablela. I get to sleep at 5 in the morning and get up for lunch eveyday and still make it for lectures in plenty of time!!! How cool is that =)
And u know, i find that i like home very much now. During our school years and all, i was always itching to go out, to hang out with people and all that. i found home very boring.
But now, i REALLY love home. When i get home for the weekends, i try my best not to go out.
And u may find this laughable as i come home once a week and u do it once a year... but i really miss my parents a lot.
I miss my childhood. I really do. not just miss it, i crave it. The time when mum and dad know everything and they can never be wrong and the best thing ever is to sit down in front of the tv with a tub of ice-cream ( ok, i never got to have a tub, it was more like a little bowl coz mum said it'll spoil my appetite for dinner =p ) and watch smurfs all day long.
If i could, i would do it all again, and i would do it better.
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